


Machine Learning

by KittyViolet



Category: New Mutants (Comics), X-Men (Comicverse)
Genre: Aliens, Artificial Intelligence, Boarding School, Christmas Presents, Embarrassment, F/F, Multi, Sex Toys Under Clothing, Vibrators
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-02
Updated: 2020-01-02
Packaged: 2021-02-26 04:34:34
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Underage
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,283
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22081834
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/KittyViolet/pseuds/KittyViolet
Summary: "I don't begrudge the rest of them the tools and toys they need," Kitty muses. "I just wish they wouldn't take mine."
Relationships: Douglas Ramsey/Warlock (New Mutants), Kitty Pryde/Illyana Rasputin
Comments: 3
Kudos: 6





	Machine Learning

Last Christmas my older teammates assumed Christmas didn’t mean very much to me since I’m Jewish, and so they figured they’d leave me alone in the mansion while they went on what I guess were Christmas dates. Or Christmas booty calls. Oops. I blew up a demon that almost killed me and trashed half the mansion. But hey, I survived.

This Christmas Eve was way better. For one thing, the X-Men and the New Mutants did some caroling along the road between the mansion and Salem Center! No tree at the school, though. We didn’t have time to pick one up. Just lights. (I assembled the lights.) Before anyone went to bed we each made sure our Semi-Secret Santa presents were under the tree for opening Christmas Day. I got Doug, which was lucky: Warlock and I worked out beforehand that what Doug would really want for Christmas was detachable, mobile, multiple bits of Warlock, so the two of them could stay together wherever Doug had to go.

For another, later, thing, there was me and Illyana. We’re in a good place, and by “a good place” I mean literally in our bedroom. Eaves, two beds we can push together easily, some privacy, and Lockheed, who can even help keep us warm, though mostly we have each other for that. Each other and flannel PJs. But mostly each other.

First thing in the morning we opened each other’s Christmas and Hannukah presents. She gave me these bright blue PJs with this amazing arcane feature that she just figured out how to cast: normally they’re just warm, soft, fuzzy, loose-fitting two-piece PJs with snowflake patterns and bright blue shiny buttons down the front, but if she says the right words (in a language that AFAIK only she speaks) they become form-fitting, like a bathing suit, and start to…. move around on me. They feel very good on me. She, also, feels very good on me. I love how she’s in charge of them.

I gave her this modified Shi’ar tech thing—the tech I brought back from the Starjammers ship and the Shi’ar trip is a gift that just keeps giving, and by “keeps giving” I mean that I keep learning how to modify it. It’s not always easy being a teen software genius but it has its perks. 

By “perks” I mean that I took this kind of flying drone thing, a bit smaller than a hummingbird, and remade it so that it’s concave and it fits in very close to my best friend’s body. Now that I’ve got the mods right Ilya can just hold it close the way you would an actual warm bird, and then I can tell it what to do with this tiny remote control that fits in my hand, or on my belt. She can wear it under her jeans, or on her hip, or in her New Mutants costume, or anywhere really, and I can make it feel good.

And I have. The Monday after Christmas, when the “school” part of the Xavier School was definitely on vacation, we locked the door and just experimented with our new toys till dinnertime. There was a Danger Room drill after that and we talked about whether she should keep the hummingbird between her thighs when she and the rest of the New Mutants did the exercise, and she almost did, but then the drill involved pretending to be captured by Arcade and there would have been an EMP that neutralized the whole toy, so I’m glad she left it between my sheets. We took it out and played with it more that night.

*

But that was then. Today I come back from dance lessons in Salem Center, through all that Christmas snow still on the ground, and get in the shower and out of the shower, and our hummingbird isn’t in my bed. Or on my desk. Or on Illyana’s bed. Or in our closet. Or in the shoebox we keep under my bed.

The discovery would be a lot less shocking if I were wearing clothes. Instead I‘m in my fluffy white towel. I wanted to know where our hummingbird was so Illyana and I could play some more when she gets back, but now I’m nervous. Who found it? Who knows what we do?

Look, I know the New Mutants—the X-Babies—have feelings, and they have bodies, and bodies have needs, and only one of them gets to kiss me! I mean, I don’t begrudge the rest of them the tools and toys they need.

I just wish they wouldn’t take mine. 

Or maybe Illyana herself took it. I throw on a clean pink leotard and my favorite ultramarine legwarmers and my headband, because the mansion can get cold, and I head downstairs. Our toy isn’t a mutant—Cerebro won’t help—but it is a source of electromagnetic radiation, and a consumer of energy. The mansion has trackers for that. 

I phase through four stories of wood and brick stairs, careful to avoid the electronics in the walls, till I get down to the basement security system and phase through the solid door. Then I open up the tracking screens and set them to find any source of specifically Shi’ar tech.

Got it! Shi’ar battery aura right in…. the bathrom next to Dani’s room?

I climb the stairs the same way that I would without powers, because I’m feeling a bit alone and a bit self-conscious and I want to maximize the chance that I’ll run into someone who can tell me what’s going on. But the only other mutants I see are Kurt and Amanda Sefton, who are being total cuddle bunnies and there’s no way I’ll interrupt that.

When I get to the bathroom door on the third floor beside Dani’s single room there’s Dani, and there’s Doug, and Dani’s telling me I shouldn’t go into the bathroom because there’s something going on in there and it’s very important, and Doug’s trying to tell me the same thing except that he’s blushing furiously and giggling a little.

“This is a very private thing for Doug and it’s important that we respect,“ Dani starts to say, but she’s fiddling with her headband as she says it and I’m not even sure she believes it and also I don’t care because Illyana and I need the hummingbird back and it’s ours and I’m going to go get it.

I leap right at Doug, who flinches, but of course I'm not going to hurt him: I phase through the door and end up on the tile floor beside the clawfoot bathtub.

And in the bathtub itself, there’s… a nest. No, a nest-shaped set of dragonfly-shaped robots. Like the detachable bit of ‘Lock that Warlock and I arranged to give Doug. It looks like Warlock and Doug together have figured out how to create at least a dozen. They’re making a kind of rough circle, like they’re in a classroom. I watch them and then I lean farther over into the bathtub and there it is. No. There they are: they’ve replicated our hummingbird, or else our hummingbird has replicated itself. 

It’s vibrating in a way that’s not pleasure but code. There’s a code. It’s a language. Our Sh’iar vibrator is sentient and has learned to self-replicate. Also our vibrator and its new twin are communicating with the other robots. They appear to be team-teaching a class.

What kind of class could bits of Warlock want to take from Illyana’s and my favorite toy?

Oh.

But where would they use that information?

Oh.

Our hummingbird is smarter than we thought, and it’s trying to tell the dragonfly-shaped mini-Warlock bits—the Locklets, or maybe also Locklettes?—what it knows. Or what he or she or they know. Maybe they?

And now there’s some kind of extension cord thing coming into the bathroom behind me, joining up with a few of the gadgets in the bathtub.

SELFPARTS SEPARATESENTIENCE ACHIEVED. SELF JOYFINDS IN SELFPARTS ACCOMPLISHMENT! says the rippling electric smiling face and torso emerging behind me.

“Hi, Warlock!” I remember that Doug is still standing guard on the bathroom outside. I wonder whether he can hear what’s going on.

“’Lock?” I ask.

SELFFRIEND KITTY?

“When your parts are finished with my toys, can you ask the toys to come back to my room? I, um….” Then I blush. I’m still in just a fluffy robe.

SELFSOULFRIEND DOUG? Warlock asks through the door.

The door opens wide enough for Doug to take Warlock’s hand. Information is somehow exchanged. 

“I’ll, um, make sure they come back home once we’re, um, done conducting our, uh, tech experiment.” From the way Doug is blushing, and from the way that he’s standing, hiding one leg behind the other, it’s achingly clear that he’s also got a thing for me. He wants me and Warlock. But not at the same time. It’s a classic case of colliding contexts, and I don’t want to kiss him, but I do want to remain his friend, and I certainly don’t want to get in his way.

I look at that bathtub again and then I back away from Toys 101: Vibrating the Shi’Ar Way: An Introductory Course For Bits of Technarchs. a class that will probably never be taught again. I phase through the tiled wall so I don’t accidentally disrupt ‘Lock himself. Then I run up the stairs and collapse in giggles on Illyana’s bed. Self-aware vibrators…

Then she gets back—she went for an afternoon run with Rahne-- and I tell her the whole story. Or I try. She starts tickling me halfway through. 

Then I slide my leg over her leg—she’s still in sweat pants, so I phase them off once she smiles at me, because I want permission to do that, and then the pants are on the floor and she’s got nothing but an undershirt and a bra, and I’m in that fluffy robe, and it falls open, and her tongue is on my left nipple, which is super-sensitive and bigger than it used to be, and then on my right nipple, which is too, and then we are full-on wrestling on her bed, rolling over and trying to grab each other’s crotches until she succeeds and puts her flat palm over the space between my legs that feels wet and open and soft and new.

Then I relax under her and let her move her palm so it’s not flat any more, she’s moving the right fingers up and down in the right places, she kisses me, she stops kissing me, I feel the fall of her straight hair over my face, it’s like soft linen, like a curtain passing one way and then another as she…. as she….

Then I realize that the hummingbird has come back. That they’ve both come back. They bob in the air, as if to say “Did you miss me?”

Illyana plucks one from the air and affixes it (Shi’ar technology again) between my legs where it belongs, and I melt and lose language for a while. The learning must have gone both ways. I move back and forth in myself, my insides squirm a little and feel full and they… and they… I’m going to… I tense up before…. the pulse changes, I open up more, I slow down, I slow…

Then she plucks the other bird out of midair, hands it to me, and I affix it to her, and then we just lie on the bed together, kissing, saying “oh!” and drifting, first one, then the other, into a wordless shared ecstasy. She licks my shoulderblades. I feel the stream between my thighs, the strength between hers. Every time one of us tenses and gets closer to the edge, the other will go up next, so that we match, so that we’re climbing the air together, climbing the waterfall of ourselves… my clit… her clit.. we match… she’s licking my nipple again… the hummingbird—

everything shimmers, together, we’re in midair

the machines taught their teachers something I can’t know what I don’t want to know

we are falling through rainbows

Ilya kisses me again and then closes her eyes, and I close mine.

*

The next day I realize that I need to make one deep-space phone call. “Ororo? Do you know how to reach the Starjammers?”

“Kitten, why do you need to reach them now?”

Next Monday the X-Mansion doorbell rings. I, not by chance, am the mutant who answers. There’s a dapper little helicopter at eye level, hoping to be invited in.

Behind me, Warlock rushes forward. SELFFRIEND KITTY BROUGHT HELICOPTERSPACEMEDIC! THANK SELFFRIEND! he says.

“Amcourse prepared for appropriate techinstruction for growingmind mutanttech,” Sikorsky says. “Safersex for technoorganic beings. Is course that may be overdue.”

“I know you’d come through,” I tell the Starjammers’ medic.

SELFEDUCATION SEXSAFETY IS TIMELY FOR NOWPAIRED EARTHSELF, Warlock nods, smiling. Something like a headlight appears behind his cheeks. Is he glowing with love? Is he blushing? Is it both?

Later Illyana holds my hand while we’re watching TV, a show so enjoyably bad that I don’t want to name it. We zone out together that way sometimes. “You did the right thing,” she says.

I reach behind her to see if her tail manifests, then reach in my pocket to realize I’ve left the controller in our room. She, however, remembered hers. 

The pleasant and then more than pleasant buzz between my thighs continues throughout whatever we’re watching. Tomorrow I might not remember what we saw. But I’ll remember how I felt. And how I let Illyana feel. I may never get dressed without our bird again.

**Author's Note:**

> In the unlikely event that you want all my stories to be totally self-consistent, note that in this one Illyana never finds out explicitly about Doug and Warlock, nor does Doug tell Kitty explicitly that he likes her; this story therefore takes place *before* "Translation Theory," and could take place in the same canon-consistent timeline.


End file.
